This afternoon, I paid a courtesy call on an acquaintance of mine. I couldn’t believe the state I found him in.
The man was in a terrible state, massively swollen as if he was involved in a head on collision with a goods train. He could barely walk or talk.
His face looked like he was involved in a boxing match with bees, very swollen and unrecognizable.
After exchanging pleasantries, I inquired why he was in that state.
Apparently, the man had a disagreement with his wife. Foolishly, he chose the wrong solution, that of using his fists on her, thinking violence would solve the problem.
Sadly, it didn’t. The wife quickly wrapped up her belonging in a ukwa bag, and pulled a Muzala Samukonga back to her parents’ home.
The deserted man couldn’t resist the cold of the night without 3 gun salute, and the imagination that someone else could be horizontally engineering his ATM while she was away.
He called her and attempted a reconciliation over the phone, but the wife refused, suggesting that he should come with elders at her parents home, so that the issue can be discussed by elders.
The agreed day came, and the man, with 4 elders from his family, left for the wife’s home, for a reconciliation mission.
When they arrived, the visitors were all ushered into the house, and doors closed. Suddenly, a half dozen brothers of his wife appeared, the smallest being the size of Galagata, the former boxing champion, each armed with umupini.
Immediately he saw his brothers in law, he then realised that matters were very elephant. His brothers in law are well known implementors of Peter Sinkamba’s manifesto. In fact, chamba valley is their staple food.
When he looked at them, for a greeting, all their eyes were very red, and looked like they had smoked very well for the reconciliation event.
The man and his entourage were beaten like a dog that has eaten egg. In fact, the man said it was not a beating but pounding, like pounding sorghum, to the extent that his sphincter muscle couldn’t hold liquid urea, he irrigated on himself.
Had it not been for the alert neighbors, he would have logged off quickly and permanently.
Kalemba
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